Why are we handing down a legacy of prejudice? #ShareTheLoad

This ad really moved me while it also brought into perspective how I never had to deal with any of this and how lucky I am. Ariel, good job!




I remember it like it was yesterday, I was the bride. I was dressed up and a general sense of happiness was all around me. Everyone kept reminiscing their wedding and how much had changed. A few days leading up to my wedding were very special, however, there would be someone who would ask me out of concern "how will you manage home?" because it was obvious that I was a pampered child. (A claim I often contest, but know its true). What people didn't realise was that my loving mother is also a tough task master who made sure I learnt everything I could. She didn't want me to learn things so I could be married, but simply because  she wanted me to be independent. A stance she always made clear.

I have seen the pattern where the questions don't stop at home making, they go into detail about cooking, laundry, how about  whatever else that is considered a"woman's job" (Thankfully, this wasn't happening in my case). Even now, any time these questions come up from friends,  I try not to get into an argument... but I end up with a debate on my hands anyway. If someone I do not wish to argue with pushes me,  I most certainly say "Woh haina, he'll help" and be on receiving end of a look of horror. Always. The very idea that my husband helps me comes as a shock to many.

It's been about a year and a half and my 'other half' has been truly living up to his role. Doing half and sometimes even more. I don't talk about him helping me, rather, I proudly tell my friends and family that we divide work, he sometimes does laundry and cooks (excellently, may I add); I don't think he's ever been insecure about his 'manliness' either and we don't bother with people who say 'it's not his job'. Everything is everyone's job.

When you have a home together, one that is full of love and understanding there is no need to debate whether the other person actually deserves your help. It comes to you naturally. I keep reflecting on the many men and women who think that some roles are for men and women. There aren't any though.

When I talk to many of my friends, one thing I realise is that it's not very obvious that men have an equal part to play in household chores. I've heard women going back from work, while their husbands wait for them to come make dinner! What kind of unfairness is this? Although I know cooking food is not everyone's thing, how about a little help around the house? putting things away? doing the dishes, may be?

I don't use the word shocked that often, but when I saw that 2 out of 3 kids think laundry is their mothers job, it got me thinking. Why? Why do kids think that some work belongs to their mum, I guess it's simply because they see them doing it all the time, as a kid it would be easy to assume. These are not abusive husbands or negligent fathers we're talking about, rather about good people with good education, with a deep sense of empathy and yet, they fail in helping their spouse or daughters out. So I decided that I am joining the Ariel #ShareTheLoad campaign at BlogAdda and blogging about the prejudice related to household chores being passed on to the next generation.

The more I think about these prejudices, I feel the reason for having them is that we've been trained to think in that way. We've handed down a legacy of prejudices. An example comes to mind; it's like why I never questioned why the bus conductor gives me the ticket, I always assumed that it was his/her job. I've not been taught to think differently. I was never (until recently) told that I needed to demand a ticket and it was not their job to ensure I had a ticket.

Dear women, your job is no less important that your husband's. Your job is not "optional". It isn't a "choice". You do not owe it to anyone to cook, clean and make sure your house looks presentable. Do it if you really find joy in it.

Educate your daughters and sons that they have to help, that's just basic decency. Teach them that, if you want to teach them anything at all.

Dear people who expect the women in their lives to deliver, this women's day before you wish her and head out in a clean shirt she's picked out and a box she's packed. Tell her that you appreciate what she does, better yet, take a small step. Help her. Start small.

I'm all the woman, thanks.

"I bought you this present, it's a little girly. I hope you like it" *Not impressed*
 
I always end up having these "fights" with my friends and acquaintances every time they say "You look girly". or "Wow you look like a girl in that dress". I always get so offended when someone says "Is that you?" when they see a picture of me in a saree. To which most people say "It was a compliment that you look beautiful". Most people don't seem to get that calling someone girly or feminine is not a compliment. You are calling me "Occasionally" feminine. You've reduced my gender to a bunch of preconceived notions; sadly all of which are based on ideas that aren't even your own.

General things you'd associate with women would be pink, delicate, quiet, sober, mysterious, "shallow", emotional and cheesy, having no sense of humour. Not that any of these characteristics are wrong. But who you are as a person is like picking from a buffet table of characteristics, you are tailor made and there is not one kind of woman. 

I've not had too many girl friends, just very few women who thought it was okay to be the way I was without wanting to wear a ton of floral prints. But in my brief interaction with well meaning individuals, I often find them telling me I should look more feminine. I should wear a certain kind of clothes, I should talk a certain way or I should behave in a manner that will compliment the "beautiful woman" I am capable of being.   While I have no issues with those florals or whatever, I have a problem with being expected to agree that certain things are 'feminine; and certain others are masculine. I have a huge problem with being told that I'm not a good enough sample of my gender, because I'm not living it to my full potential. (Of course all of this will be out rightly rejected if I said it like this to them)

My femininity is damn intact and I will not have anyone question it, especially because I choose to pick a slightly different shade of pink. When I tell people I love blue over pink, I get the look. I know it's childish that I even notice these things and I should know better. But to be called a guy because I choose a different color? That's the stupidest thing I've heard. Here's the clincher, they are not trolls, they are well meaning individuals, they are well wishers, family and friends. That's what makes it worse, I have no idea why decent people are so blinded by some vague idea that being a woman is a checklist of things.

Here's the fun bit, I love manicures, pedicures, I love make up, I love my dresses and my sarees and for the love of god I love  I love my long hair. But as a human being I have no patience for it on a daily basis and I want the world to be okay it.

Why am I ranting about this? It happened again. I was told to "feminine up" and frankly I'm all the woman there needs to be. Baggy shirts and trousers are exactly the kind of woman I want to be.