Why are we handing down a legacy of prejudice? #ShareTheLoad

This ad really moved me while it also brought into perspective how I never had to deal with any of this and how lucky I am. Ariel, good job!




I remember it like it was yesterday, I was the bride. I was dressed up and a general sense of happiness was all around me. Everyone kept reminiscing their wedding and how much had changed. A few days leading up to my wedding were very special, however, there would be someone who would ask me out of concern "how will you manage home?" because it was obvious that I was a pampered child. (A claim I often contest, but know its true). What people didn't realise was that my loving mother is also a tough task master who made sure I learnt everything I could. She didn't want me to learn things so I could be married, but simply because  she wanted me to be independent. A stance she always made clear.

I have seen the pattern where the questions don't stop at home making, they go into detail about cooking, laundry, how about  whatever else that is considered a"woman's job" (Thankfully, this wasn't happening in my case). Even now, any time these questions come up from friends,  I try not to get into an argument... but I end up with a debate on my hands anyway. If someone I do not wish to argue with pushes me,  I most certainly say "Woh haina, he'll help" and be on receiving end of a look of horror. Always. The very idea that my husband helps me comes as a shock to many.

It's been about a year and a half and my 'other half' has been truly living up to his role. Doing half and sometimes even more. I don't talk about him helping me, rather, I proudly tell my friends and family that we divide work, he sometimes does laundry and cooks (excellently, may I add); I don't think he's ever been insecure about his 'manliness' either and we don't bother with people who say 'it's not his job'. Everything is everyone's job.

When you have a home together, one that is full of love and understanding there is no need to debate whether the other person actually deserves your help. It comes to you naturally. I keep reflecting on the many men and women who think that some roles are for men and women. There aren't any though.

When I talk to many of my friends, one thing I realise is that it's not very obvious that men have an equal part to play in household chores. I've heard women going back from work, while their husbands wait for them to come make dinner! What kind of unfairness is this? Although I know cooking food is not everyone's thing, how about a little help around the house? putting things away? doing the dishes, may be?

I don't use the word shocked that often, but when I saw that 2 out of 3 kids think laundry is their mothers job, it got me thinking. Why? Why do kids think that some work belongs to their mum, I guess it's simply because they see them doing it all the time, as a kid it would be easy to assume. These are not abusive husbands or negligent fathers we're talking about, rather about good people with good education, with a deep sense of empathy and yet, they fail in helping their spouse or daughters out. So I decided that I am joining the Ariel #ShareTheLoad campaign at BlogAdda and blogging about the prejudice related to household chores being passed on to the next generation.

The more I think about these prejudices, I feel the reason for having them is that we've been trained to think in that way. We've handed down a legacy of prejudices. An example comes to mind; it's like why I never questioned why the bus conductor gives me the ticket, I always assumed that it was his/her job. I've not been taught to think differently. I was never (until recently) told that I needed to demand a ticket and it was not their job to ensure I had a ticket.

Dear women, your job is no less important that your husband's. Your job is not "optional". It isn't a "choice". You do not owe it to anyone to cook, clean and make sure your house looks presentable. Do it if you really find joy in it.

Educate your daughters and sons that they have to help, that's just basic decency. Teach them that, if you want to teach them anything at all.

Dear people who expect the women in their lives to deliver, this women's day before you wish her and head out in a clean shirt she's picked out and a box she's packed. Tell her that you appreciate what she does, better yet, take a small step. Help her. Start small.

Meeting Ms Shenoy

As a part of my job I'm required to do interviews with people and I meet interesting people because of it! This time around I was scheduled for an interview with Preeti Shenoy. I was thoroughly excited about the meet because she's a writer and she's amazing! every review I read of her books said only one thing "her books are real"; they are direct, they make sense.

I chanced upon a book "Life is what you make it" as my friend had picked it up. I didn't have the chance to read it as I moved cities. But going by the reviews, looks like I must.

Today, I met Preeti and wow. What a woman! I loved her story. I've always wanted to be a writer and here I was standing with Preeti and doing this interview and I could identify with her. Her love for animals, her home, for books and writing were so visible.

I can't say it enough, Preeti's house is a thing of beauty. Manicured lawns and a tastefully done villa in the middle of Bangalore. You will have to be reminded that you are in Bangalore. It gets even better when you realise that all of the beautiful little pieces you see are collected by her. Each item in the house has a beautiful story and as cliched as it sounds, her house screams "creative space". An artist herself, her sensibilities show in her space. It's a stereotypical writer house, with every wall having conversation pieces. She also had a few friendly visitors, a bunch of cats that seemed to love her house. (Cats and writers, right?) She also has a beautiful dog. Ah! Animal lover through and through.

Off camera, I got talking to her about writing and how she got to where she is, I loved her answers. She is witty, insightful and definitely knows her job. She speaks very passionately about her writing and more importantly her blogging. I told her about getting back to my blog, she seemed so encouraging and supportive. she loves her blog too and I love the fact that she's kept her blog alive for so long.

A few things that she did tell me and I know this is something I knew deep down, but now that I have it on record, I'll be a little more diligent in applying these rules! May be tape this on my cupboard!

1. You need discipline. You cannot become better over night. You need to write and you need to write often.
2.  TV and the internet are time killers they draw away from the job. 
3. It is important that you find passions and develop them so you have something to turn too apart from your job.
4. You need your family, but you need your quiet time. It's a process and it is okay to want to shut yourself from the world. 
5. You have to get involved with things and if you like something, invest in it. (She picked up paper quelling from the internet) 
6. It's okay to be proud of your work. But so much more important to be humble.
7. Read a lot! (Her bookshelves we're overflowing with books!)
8. Quality, Quality, Quality -There is no scope to be shoddy. You have to deliver the best!
9. Go see the world. You need to see the world!

I won't kill all the joy by telling you everything about the interview. You have to watch it to know more. But I'll tell you this. I was going through a reader's block, where I couldn't find anything that moved me or made me want to sit still  read, I think I've found a book that'll get me there.

"The One You Cannot Have"