Why are we handing down a legacy of prejudice? #ShareTheLoad

This ad really moved me while it also brought into perspective how I never had to deal with any of this and how lucky I am. Ariel, good job!




I remember it like it was yesterday, I was the bride. I was dressed up and a general sense of happiness was all around me. Everyone kept reminiscing their wedding and how much had changed. A few days leading up to my wedding were very special, however, there would be someone who would ask me out of concern "how will you manage home?" because it was obvious that I was a pampered child. (A claim I often contest, but know its true). What people didn't realise was that my loving mother is also a tough task master who made sure I learnt everything I could. She didn't want me to learn things so I could be married, but simply because  she wanted me to be independent. A stance she always made clear.

I have seen the pattern where the questions don't stop at home making, they go into detail about cooking, laundry, how about  whatever else that is considered a"woman's job" (Thankfully, this wasn't happening in my case). Even now, any time these questions come up from friends,  I try not to get into an argument... but I end up with a debate on my hands anyway. If someone I do not wish to argue with pushes me,  I most certainly say "Woh haina, he'll help" and be on receiving end of a look of horror. Always. The very idea that my husband helps me comes as a shock to many.

It's been about a year and a half and my 'other half' has been truly living up to his role. Doing half and sometimes even more. I don't talk about him helping me, rather, I proudly tell my friends and family that we divide work, he sometimes does laundry and cooks (excellently, may I add); I don't think he's ever been insecure about his 'manliness' either and we don't bother with people who say 'it's not his job'. Everything is everyone's job.

When you have a home together, one that is full of love and understanding there is no need to debate whether the other person actually deserves your help. It comes to you naturally. I keep reflecting on the many men and women who think that some roles are for men and women. There aren't any though.

When I talk to many of my friends, one thing I realise is that it's not very obvious that men have an equal part to play in household chores. I've heard women going back from work, while their husbands wait for them to come make dinner! What kind of unfairness is this? Although I know cooking food is not everyone's thing, how about a little help around the house? putting things away? doing the dishes, may be?

I don't use the word shocked that often, but when I saw that 2 out of 3 kids think laundry is their mothers job, it got me thinking. Why? Why do kids think that some work belongs to their mum, I guess it's simply because they see them doing it all the time, as a kid it would be easy to assume. These are not abusive husbands or negligent fathers we're talking about, rather about good people with good education, with a deep sense of empathy and yet, they fail in helping their spouse or daughters out. So I decided that I am joining the Ariel #ShareTheLoad campaign at BlogAdda and blogging about the prejudice related to household chores being passed on to the next generation.

The more I think about these prejudices, I feel the reason for having them is that we've been trained to think in that way. We've handed down a legacy of prejudices. An example comes to mind; it's like why I never questioned why the bus conductor gives me the ticket, I always assumed that it was his/her job. I've not been taught to think differently. I was never (until recently) told that I needed to demand a ticket and it was not their job to ensure I had a ticket.

Dear women, your job is no less important that your husband's. Your job is not "optional". It isn't a "choice". You do not owe it to anyone to cook, clean and make sure your house looks presentable. Do it if you really find joy in it.

Educate your daughters and sons that they have to help, that's just basic decency. Teach them that, if you want to teach them anything at all.

Dear people who expect the women in their lives to deliver, this women's day before you wish her and head out in a clean shirt she's picked out and a box she's packed. Tell her that you appreciate what she does, better yet, take a small step. Help her. Start small.

THOSE WERE THE DAYS WHEN

1) Getting high meant on a swing
2) When drinking meant milk
4) Whistling meant at birds
5) The girls were our sisters
6) Where a crush meant either the one with lemon or orange in it
7) Cutting yourself meant with a sharp object you were playing with
8) When anything could be passed off as a fairly wearable dress for the summer
9) ‘My mum is calling’ did not mean— “ I want to avoid this conversation and want to go” it meant— my mum is calling me home, but I promise to comeback
10) Broken teeth and toys were replaced unlike broken hearts and relationships
11) “ill never talk to you- ever” meant the next 3-4 minutes”
12) When happiness was getting wet in the rain
13) Grief was having to stay indoors because your friend has fever and you wont play without her
14) Swearing meant to promise and not bad words
15) Her friends and my friends were our friends
16) Where a bad joke meant a joke that no one would laugh then
17) Physical fights were with pillows and with uncontrollable giggles
18) Smiles never existed they were only laughs
19) I want to watch TV meant with everyone
20) Anything unhygienic was good to eat
21) Only hurts were scraped knees
22) Applying nail polish was a big deal
23) Sleeping with your parents was ok infact good
24) Being independent meant staying with everybody yet doing your thing by yourself
25) Looking good never mattered, feeling good did.
26) Playing in the mud meant fun and not dirt
27) Washing your hands before lunch and dinner without gazing at the mirror trying to prefect yourself.
28) Eating with your hand was not an option
29) Partying meant a friends’ party at her house
30) Goodbye meant till tomorrow
31) Being very scared of the future included the incomplete homework due for tomorrow
32) Groups meant lots of friends
33) Enemies meant all those people in the opposite team, even if it was your best friend
34) Role playing was second nature and not embarrassing
35) Crying to your soft toy was unnatural
36) Not being perfect was perfect after all
37) Running out of cash meant you finished the 1 rupee you treasured
38) Stealing meant mangoes
39) Cheating meant to look from the corner of your eye to seek
40) Buying chocolates was an unknown notion.
41) Getting dressed took one frock and untangling thick matt hair with a comb
42) The only cosmetic was prickly heat powder
43) Gossip was bedtime stories my mother and grandmother, aunt, grandfather uncle sister and brother told me trying to get me to stop chattering and sleep.
44) Washing my cup and saucer earned me a rupee
45) There were no rules but we were much more well behaved
46) Being called dumb names meant newer nick names
47) Staying away from parents meant going to a relatives house which treated you as if I was a princess
48) Cutting out paper hearts for greeting cards was tough but we did it nonetheless
49) We believed in magicians without us doubting the tricks behind it
50) I was I kid, and this life hadn’t happened to me, it was those golden moments strung together in timelessness, this maturity brings with it new things to experiment with, but never like what childhood brought with it.