What is a Hug?

After being cynical about the way the world works, after being doubtful of myself and a lot of things that fall on the lines of downright depressing, here is something a little cheery, may be its the cold winter morning, may be its the missing being hugged or may be its the crazy hug addiction that I have. A hug brings people so close together they cannot see anything wrong with the other person. (originally about kissing, but works better for Hugging) 

I cannot say hi! without hugging somebody. A hug is a brilliant expression of love. I don't think anything communicates what a hug does. But I will still 'attempt' to explain it. 

"Sometimes it's better to put love into hugs than into words", I read somewhere. I was touched by the thought  My most favourite feeling is that which I feel when I am being hugged. A hug is warm, it is comforting, somebody out there is willing to take you all in and hold you there. I wake up each morning to my mother almost always telling me how late it is, the only way to quiet her down is with a hug, when she is angry all she needs is a hug. I think the same applies to me and to everyone in this world. Even Sheldon needs hugs. 

Hugs are funny, most of the times there is no appropriate time to let go of someone and you just stay there. I have hugged by buddies for so long, people started staring and that's the beauty of a hug, you really can't care. A hug is a one size fits all, it doesn't matter if you are short, tall, fat, thin, dark, fair. It doesn't  When you are being hugged you are just basking in the glory of being wanted, being comforted, being understood, being loved. 

Nothing solves issues between friends like a hug, when I have no justifications for the way I behaved with somebody, all I needed to do was to hug the person and suddenly all the anger, the frustration, the mean things we wanted to say to each other were lost. Some times I wish I learned this lesson a long time ago. But no regrets. 

So, what is a hug?

You know how they say A smile is a universal expression of love, I think a hug beats it by a million times. Ofcourse while you can smile to strangers I would NOT recommend that you hug strangers. In fact I recommend you don't smile at them either, but its your thing. A hug is so much more personal. When you hug, you really are giving into the idea that the other human being is acceptable, the other person is your equal, you are sending out a message that you are unashamed of being seen with this person, being open to this person. A hug is the universal expression for "screw you! This is my friend." A hug mends broken hearts quicker than a tub of icecream, it fixes everything in this world. A hug tells someone that 'you are there' and that feeling of being there is one that can never get old. We want someone to hold us when we are at our worst, we want someone to celebrate our best and for both those occasions a hug is all you need.

When I look at babies who sleep so close to their mother, almost hugging her. I understand how reassured they feel. They feel taken care of, they feel like they can sleep at ease while their mother looks out for them. I like how all animals use hugs. They all cuddle up and sit together and sleep together. It tells you how great an expression it is. 

How to deliver High quality hugs?

Well, internet hugs suck. Bro hugs are okay, but not even remotely nice. Why bro hugs exist is a mystery, but its probably because of a comfort thing. But a real hug is amazing. 

So here is a step by step break down of a hug. 

I am not a lot of things, but I am an expert on Hugging. (These are steps for the one initiating the hug)

Step 1 :  Accept the person in front of you. You cannot remotely understand the place that the person is in,     you don't know what he needs, but you do know that a Hug can come close to helping that person with whatever it is.

Step 2 :    Look at the person, if it is too difficult to make eye contact, leave it. Sometimes you may feel        unnecessary  guilt or discomfort. You don't have to understand this person's issues, you just need to know that all you want to to assure somebody of something. love, care, comfort. Anything.

Step 3 : Simply smile. Smile if the event is sober, laugh if you are ecstatic. Welcome the other person in. 

Step 4 : Extend your arms and wrap them around the other person! and simply commit for that moment.

Step 5: Now for the most difficult bit,  let go.

Now for the Huggie:

There are no steps, there are no rules. For you it is to simply open up to the other person. Know that you are being held, know that you are being comforted, know that someone wants you to be okay, someone wants to show you that they care for you and want you to feel better, know that someone can completely trust you, someone wants to be with you and has accepted you and is looking for the same acceptance. Somebody thinks its crazy that they hold you at such a special place in their heart! 

Most importantly for both of you, know that the we all always want to feel better, we want to feel taken care of. So, immaterial of who hugs first know that positions are interchangeable. Some initiate a hug because they want comfort. HUG PEOPLE

It's really that simple. Arms wide open, Huge smile! 

Some of the most bitter tears have been shared in the warmest hugs!

So subtle, the whole world knows...

Dealing with problems people post on facebook is just awkward. X says "I am sad" 30 people ask what it is. With equal enthusiasm X posts back saying "Nothing, just...."  ahhhhh! Your best friends will patronize  be nice, supportive (why on a public forum instead of picking the damn phone and letting you cry your heart out, I don't know?)

People, you want to send a message to your Best friend, boyfriend or anyone, just do it. See, It is very simple why I don't ask people their personal problems, I really care about their sanity and privacy and seriously Facebook is NOT the place to discuss heartbreaks, I am severely against the idea that I should post all my heartaches on Facebook, very Dear Diary. But yes, I don't mind people who do it. Sorry I will not acknowledge your "why are people like this, when you trust them they back stab you" type message. I know the bitch who broke your trust and I know she deserves an earful, but seriously, I really think you shouldn't be so passive aggressive about it. Probably just give her the earful she needs. (Oh! wait you already did that!)

Trust me it is very awkward for people like us who know you and still don't want to be a part of this fight. It demands too much meddling and frankly, that is soo not why we signed up. I am sounding heartless here. But every time you post something mean about the person you had a falling out with, remember all the good times you had and do really need to insult those memories? You have 700 friends on Facebook, do they really need to know that you dumped your boyfriend? That your best friend sucks? Yes! lying,cheating or whatever, a person's privacy is important. You are putting out a statement and you expect your friends to line up with you and indulge in a little bashing? 

I read your post, I just did. You very very subtle (or so you think) Hell no. You were louder than a blow horn! It was clear. When you put up 7 sad emoticons You sent a clear message, your status said 'I am angry with you and I am sad about what you said.' But seriously, wouldn't you do much better if you just tell the person that you were hurt. Your message is clearly crying out for attention, you don't want your 700 friends to ask you what happened, you want that one person to give you a call and apologize;  worse you don't want the call. You just want guilt, you want the world to judge that person. Don't you?  You want a public prosecution. 

You don't want to explain it to people, because you suddenly think it is private, frankly you would do it, but you don't. Lucky the other person. But you wont stop at 'Ntg happ... :(' you want more, you are going on to say I am sad in soo many ways. You are going to go on a rampage, you are going to say 'Ntg happ.... well, just must never trust people', or some cryptic shit. Frankly! We ALL know who you were talking about, can you please be a little less mean? You make it look like you deserved to be lied to.

My point is not to insult you. Hell, I am all for PDA (Public Display of Anger) but I am also making a case for somebody you are 'taunting', you are putting out a message, you are creating a scene and nobody deserves to deal with it. You are ruining everything that can be salvaged. Please don't rant and rave about your fallout on Facebook, on the off chance that you realize that you love each other or want to be friends again, you are just making it very difficult. 

PDA or Public Display of Affection I actually find adorable, Love should be celebrated. There is always the problem that the more people know about it, you are creating a bigger fall for yourself, but if you know you aren't falling out, EVER, you shouldn't worry, you you simply celebrate the wonderful emotion of friendship! If you do part ways, you have all these memories that make it an amazing thing, you are sending out an excellent emotion into the universe. And I believe that no matter how hollow it is perceived as, you know for that moment, you want the world to know you were over the moon! And if that isn't a good enough emotion to cling on to, I don't know what is!  

The depressed poet!

Ah! my head is exploding!! Like actually exploding with stuff. I hate to admit it, while I enjoy the process of knowing about myself, It is painstakingly tedious and most of the time I feel like I am losing myself.  Everything about Me; may be it is a good thing, may be I am evolving?

 For a very long time I tried my hand at poetry and wrote quite decently as well, but today I realized that I don't write poetry when I am happy, I have a major writers block when I am happy. I am kinda creeped out by that. My poetry writing skills directly reflect my state of mind.  It's funny. If i like what i have written it means I am pathetic and sad with life, if I hate it, I am happy. My poetry writing is like a litmus test for my emotions then?

I had the same discussion a few weeks ago, does pain really bring out the best in us? if it does, isn't it too big a price to pay? I think I get the hang of it now. May be it means that pain brings out the best in you, even when you don't intend for it to. All the work you do when you are upset, sad or gloomy is a distraction and is a product of 100% dedication of wanting to get away from whatever is bothering us. We increase the complexities in our art or work or running only because we want to get away from whatever is bothering us. May be that is why our work becomes better, that is probably why the more gloomy the person the better his work. Van Gogh to Emily Dickinson or Marilyn Monroe were in a dark place when they delivered some of their memorable works. Then there are few more examples like JKR who were in a really bad place in her life when she started off, she was a single mother, unemployed, going through life. Walt Disney was a failure when he made Mickey.

Again back to my poetry writing; I have written a few, none of which are on this blog, Those poems are really an escape. I would never go back to reading them again. They are proofs of the lowest, bitterest, saddest I have felt. Don't want to revisit those dark places again now, do we?

Shopping list of the Soul

I want to have a job, A job I will love and respect.

I want to take a vacation, on my own

I want to write for a living, (No conditions at all)

I want to be read

I want to be inspired to do the right thing

I want to sleep every night knowing I have lived this day to the best of my abilty

I want to wake up knowing this day holds promise

I want to be reassured that life as we know will change and still everything will fall into place

I want to enjoy coffee at 3 in the morning and not be questioned for insanity

I want to walk aimlessely and still know im taking in something wonderful

I want the flowers in my garden to bloom

I want to not wear a facade of being sure.

I want to be able to talk to everyone I meet without questioning their intent

I want for it to be easy to forgive

I want for it to be easy to forget

I want for it to be easy to believe

I want for everything to be sorted

I want to restart my life at my will

I dont mind complexities. I want them to add meaning to life.

I want to be at peace with myself and love myself deeply to know that no matter how let down I feel, how badly I fail at being the best of me, there is still place in my heart to forgive myself and move on.

This is everything Ive want while i sleep this night. I dont think any of this will so much as come close to happening in the next few years, but 20 years from now when I look at this list I am hoping I'll have atleast a few things that I can strike off.

This is not a wishlist, this is 'a list'. In the middle of the night when I close my eyes and wonder what all this 'self help' is about, I want a reminder to tell me this self help is needed. That the realisation of what I truly want is important. This is the soul shopping list of the person they call Meghana.