Sunday, November 18, 2012
What is a Hug?
After being cynical about the way the world works, after being doubtful of myself and a lot of things that fall on the lines of downright depressing, here is something a little cheery, may be its the cold winter morning, may be its the missing being hugged or may be its the crazy hug addiction that I have. A hug brings people so close together they cannot see anything wrong with the other person. (originally about kissing, but works better for Hugging)
I cannot say hi! without hugging somebody. A hug is a brilliant expression of love. I don't think anything communicates what a hug does. But I will still 'attempt' to explain it.
"Sometimes it's better to put love into hugs than into words", I read somewhere. I was touched by the thought My most favourite feeling is that which I feel when I am being hugged. A hug is warm, it is comforting, somebody out there is willing to take you all in and hold you there. I wake up each morning to my mother almost always telling me how late it is, the only way to quiet her down is with a hug, when she is angry all she needs is a hug. I think the same applies to me and to everyone in this world. Even Sheldon needs hugs.
Hugs are funny, most of the times there is no appropriate time to let go of someone and you just stay there. I have hugged by buddies for so long, people started staring and that's the beauty of a hug, you really can't care. A hug is a one size fits all, it doesn't matter if you are short, tall, fat, thin, dark, fair. It doesn't When you are being hugged you are just basking in the glory of being wanted, being comforted, being understood, being loved.
Nothing solves issues between friends like a hug, when I have no justifications for the way I behaved with somebody, all I needed to do was to hug the person and suddenly all the anger, the frustration, the mean things we wanted to say to each other were lost. Some times I wish I learned this lesson a long time ago. But no regrets.
So, what is a hug?
You know how they say A smile is a universal expression of love, I think a hug beats it by a million times. Ofcourse while you can smile to strangers I would NOT recommend that you hug strangers. In fact I recommend you don't smile at them either, but its your thing. A hug is so much more personal. When you hug, you really are giving into the idea that the other human being is acceptable, the other person is your equal, you are sending out a message that you are unashamed of being seen with this person, being open to this person. A hug is the universal expression for "screw you! This is my friend." A hug mends broken hearts quicker than a tub of icecream, it fixes everything in this world. A hug tells someone that 'you are there' and that feeling of being there is one that can never get old. We want someone to hold us when we are at our worst, we want someone to celebrate our best and for both those occasions a hug is all you need.
When I look at babies who sleep so close to their mother, almost hugging her. I understand how reassured they feel. They feel taken care of, they feel like they can sleep at ease while their mother looks out for them. I like how all animals use hugs. They all cuddle up and sit together and sleep together. It tells you how great an expression it is.
How to deliver High quality hugs?
Well, internet hugs suck. Bro hugs are okay, but not even remotely nice. Why bro hugs exist is a mystery, but its probably because of a comfort thing. But a real hug is amazing.
So here is a step by step break down of a hug.
I am not a lot of things, but I am an expert on Hugging. (These are steps for the one initiating the hug)
Step 1 : Accept the person in front of you. You cannot remotely understand the place that the person is in, you don't know what he needs, but you do know that a Hug can come close to helping that person with whatever it is.
Step 2 : Look at the person, if it is too difficult to make eye contact, leave it. Sometimes you may feel unnecessary guilt or discomfort. You don't have to understand this person's issues, you just need to know that all you want to to assure somebody of something. love, care, comfort. Anything.
Step 3 : Simply smile. Smile if the event is sober, laugh if you are ecstatic. Welcome the other person in.
Step 4 : Extend your arms and wrap them around the other person! and simply commit for that moment.
Step 5: Now for the most difficult bit, let go.
Now for the Huggie:
There are no steps, there are no rules. For you it is to simply open up to the other person. Know that you are being held, know that you are being comforted, know that someone wants you to be okay, someone wants to show you that they care for you and want you to feel better, know that someone can completely trust you, someone wants to be with you and has accepted you and is looking for the same acceptance. Somebody thinks its crazy that they hold you at such a special place in their heart!
Most importantly for both of you, know that the we all always want to feel better, we want to feel taken care of. So, immaterial of who hugs first know that positions are interchangeable. Some initiate a hug because they want comfort. HUG PEOPLE
It's really that simple. Arms wide open, Huge smile!
Some of the most bitter tears have been shared in the warmest hugs!