The depressed poet!

Ah! my head is exploding!! Like actually exploding with stuff. I hate to admit it, while I enjoy the process of knowing about myself, It is painstakingly tedious and most of the time I feel like I am losing myself.  Everything about Me; may be it is a good thing, may be I am evolving?

 For a very long time I tried my hand at poetry and wrote quite decently as well, but today I realized that I don't write poetry when I am happy, I have a major writers block when I am happy. I am kinda creeped out by that. My poetry writing skills directly reflect my state of mind.  It's funny. If i like what i have written it means I am pathetic and sad with life, if I hate it, I am happy. My poetry writing is like a litmus test for my emotions then?

I had the same discussion a few weeks ago, does pain really bring out the best in us? if it does, isn't it too big a price to pay? I think I get the hang of it now. May be it means that pain brings out the best in you, even when you don't intend for it to. All the work you do when you are upset, sad or gloomy is a distraction and is a product of 100% dedication of wanting to get away from whatever is bothering us. We increase the complexities in our art or work or running only because we want to get away from whatever is bothering us. May be that is why our work becomes better, that is probably why the more gloomy the person the better his work. Van Gogh to Emily Dickinson or Marilyn Monroe were in a dark place when they delivered some of their memorable works. Then there are few more examples like JKR who were in a really bad place in her life when she started off, she was a single mother, unemployed, going through life. Walt Disney was a failure when he made Mickey.

Again back to my poetry writing; I have written a few, none of which are on this blog, Those poems are really an escape. I would never go back to reading them again. They are proofs of the lowest, bitterest, saddest I have felt. Don't want to revisit those dark places again now, do we?

The story of why i need to scribble :)

Here is a rather small reasons of why i 'need' to write.

Writing is more than a passion, it is an escape. I begin wondering why I even started writing, and I am constantly led to the fact that everyone in the family has been a good with words (yes! grandparents and all). I feel like it must be them, however I don't think my writing has genetic origins, so I have been thinking of the reasons I feel reading or writing

1 ) Its an escape :The world is full of shit! My life feels like it sucks... but a book gives me hope, it fills me with a weird sunshine sorta thing.  I see that life will get better 

2) I write and read to keep myself "literate" :I believe that one must keep atleast his literacy alive and not by reading sign posts. Writing is a great outlet to use my education, its not like education helps any other way. ;)

3) I write and read to help myself  : I need to write to tell myself I'm doing something that is important to myself, I have something and I have an opinion and I have a platform, I could not have asked for more. I think i should use it.

4) I write and read to have great conversations : I have met people like me, I have had fun conversation with them the only reason being that I write/read and them too. It draws attention away from the gossip, the "outer" self image and all that. It sounds selfish, but yes, I think when people have an hobby, it makes life better because they understand why you are passionate, crazy and hopefully connect to you.

5) I write and read to keep myself sane :The insanity in a book engrosses you to the extent that you come to terms with your own insanity and make peace with it.

6) I write and read to keep my imagination alive : I believe that when you read and write, it gives your imagination wings, and beautiful wings! . In a world so lack lustre,I get to read somebody elses life that I am inspired by.

7) I live by the quote "you can't make all the mistakes yourself so you learn from others" : Reading gets me to see that in the characters and extend the same to the people I meet. I don't have to become a Harry Potter or Hermione Granger to know that kindness and bravery can take you a long way!

8) I get to add traits to my personality : when you read, you draw from the book (very subconsciously). I became the cold(awesome) in-your-face Howard Roark... ofcourse I was threatened  to give it up or been thrown out off class! But Roark lives in me.. :P

9) I  am not a better judge of a person, infact a book tells you never to judge : Everybody  has a back story, I don't feel like judging because I get it. It is difficult to comply and fit in, when you actually don't.

10) It gives me better things to invest my time in :There are issues in the world and yes one must be interested them. A article or book that speaks about an issue or a great life makes you want to do something spectacular with yourself. Its a big thing! If a book can push you towards being a good person or atleast make you have the desire to become a nice person, its a job well done.

11) Most importantly reading gives me a sense of humour : A person without a sense of humour draws pity from me... I feel sorry for people who cannot laugh or see the beauty of the laughing. A book presents me with ample laughter sometimes with joy, sometimes with sadistic pleasure and sometimes simply because of its simplicity.

This post is about reading and writing... I think both of them in my case can be used interchangeably considering that I love writing as much as i like to read... and writing does the same things as reading (to me)