Ah! my head is exploding!! Like actually exploding with stuff. I hate to admit it, while I enjoy the process of knowing about myself, It is painstakingly tedious and most of the time I feel like I am losing myself. Everything about Me; may be it is a good thing, may be I am evolving?
For a very long time I tried my hand at poetry and wrote quite decently as well, but today I realized that I don't write poetry when I am happy, I have a major writers block when I am happy. I am kinda creeped out by that. My poetry writing skills directly reflect my state of mind. It's funny. If i like what i have written it means I am pathetic and sad with life, if I hate it, I am happy. My poetry writing is like a litmus test for my emotions then?
I had the same discussion a few weeks ago, does pain really bring out the best in us? if it does, isn't it too big a price to pay? I think I get the hang of it now. May be it means that pain brings out the best in you, even when you don't intend for it to. All the work you do when you are upset, sad or gloomy is a distraction and is a product of 100% dedication of wanting to get away from whatever is bothering us. We increase the complexities in our art or work or running only because we want to get away from whatever is bothering us. May be that is why our work becomes better, that is probably why the more gloomy the person the better his work. Van Gogh to Emily Dickinson or Marilyn Monroe were in a dark place when they delivered some of their memorable works. Then there are few more examples like JKR who were in a really bad place in her life when she started off, she was a single mother, unemployed, going through life. Walt Disney was a failure when he made Mickey.
Again back to my poetry writing; I have written a few, none of which are on this blog, Those poems are really an escape. I would never go back to reading them again. They are proofs of the lowest, bitterest, saddest I have felt. Don't want to revisit those dark places again now, do we?