Tuesday, November 20, 2012

The hate mail.


Dear Maggie.

I don’t hate you, in fact I love you too much. It was over the day you moved on. I knew it.  I was old news, I was out and somebody else was in.  You put me away; you crossed me off a list. You are a mean person. Don’t you feel a pang of pain and guilt before you move on? You dumped me. Maggie, I was everything you were looking for I was funny, adventurous, brave, committed, and knowledgeable, I had class, I have never once wanted to be somewhere else but with you and yet, you walk away from me.

Do you forget those Oh My God moments? Those moments when you were awestruck, you were beyond impressed with me. You thanked God that I was in your life. You forget all those laughing riots we had? I cracked you up all the time. Forget laughs do you remember the tears we shed together? We were sad together, you were inconsolable and yet, I managed to say something just to see you relieved. Does all of it mean nothing at all? You keep bragging about your newer conquests, the more challenging ones, the easy ones. I know some you hate and some you love, but do you see that you have left me all alone?   

You discuss your newer conquests like Casanova would, you drama queen! I hate you for thinking that you can move on, I know I have changed you and I will draw pleasure from that fact. Yes! I have made you look at things differently, I have scared you of something’s and I will take those things with me till the end. I know I am being brutal here, but isn’t that true? Haven’t you become better or worse because of me?

Every time I catch your scent, I wish you would pick me, wander in my direction, but no! You go to some newer better looking one. These new ones hold promise, do they? Remember I was one of them as well. I know you talk of me sometimes, but you mostly tell others that you been there. You talk of how I was. I don’t want that. I will find those people myself and you don’t need to find me more people.

I know our relationship was short, but it was no fling. It was real. I gave myself to you, I was committed to the cause and you left me. I have seen you gone back to a few others from the past and I am hopeful, I wish you came back to me and yet I can only be hopeful. I am lonely. I miss the times we spent cuddled up on a winters morning or on a lazy Sunday afternoon, you took off from work just to meet me.  I miss those meaningful conversations we had, some that lasted for hours on end.

Maggie, you were never ashamed of me, you wanted to parade me around, you held me in public and now I am just somebody?

In all this bitterness and resentment I feel towards you, I know if you came back to me today, I would happily accept you. I will not question your intent. I would be yours again.

John Green is a genius!!
Your Old book!

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