In the month of September, we decided we were moving for good. We didn't want to live anywhere away from the family and that was always a given. There was no debate, we just had to pick the date and we were going to land. Home turf. But leaving home is easier said than done.
I remember going through so many thoughts, one of them was excitement. I would be back, I would get to see my family after forever. I had picked up a bunch of gifts for everyone and I couldn't wait before I saw all of them. My niece and nephews had grown up and I wanted to see that. I wanted to see my mum. I couldn't wait for 26 September!
Here is the weird thing though, after the excitement settled down, I was going through, a sort of home sickness. I was home sick for my home in Erie. Like I told you in my first post, would I call America home? Turns out, I did. I had invested so much time and love and I had grown fond of the space and I was in denial that I had to leave.
The movers were to come on the 22nd and even then, I was debating whether I wanted to pack for good. I couldn't bring myself to part with everything I had collected. From the silly paper bunny that the previous tenant's daughter had made to the paper flowers I made. I FELT LIKE I WAS LEAVING TOO MUCH BEHIND. I really wasn't. Now that I think of it.
I still remember, I cried the whole time I was packing. It feels funny, but that's the truth. I packed everything from that house, even the tiny rocks I collected. It was weird, I flashbacked to the memories of my wedding day, a few days leading up, I was packing to move homes and it made me jittery, then I packed to move countries, that made me jittery and now I was moving back that was also making me anxious. I wonder what that means? I guess, I realised I get too emotionally invested. I never let go and frankly, I cling on to every last bit of that memory as I can.
After we were all packed and sorted, I packed my clothes. The house looked empty. It felt colder. It felt so much emptier, I guess. Homes are such a strong emotion. It's 4 walls adorned with everything you love that really makes it your own.
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I wanted to go on, but I guess tearing up every time I write will make everyone uncomfortable.