But this post isn't about my singledom or "loneliness" (I'm rather sad that the word single and lonely are used interchangeably). This post goes out to every married person out there who thinks they've earned the divine right to lecture me on being married. It is one cliched sentence after the other. One cuddly statement after the other, one 'but why' after the other.
Here is the 17 things I'm tired of hearing. In fact every single woman being asked to be married is tired of hearing.
1. "Why don't you have a boyfriend?" Sorry I missed the line where they were distributing them for free. Did you find yours on sale?!
2. "Are you not telling us something?" Oh! Yes. I'm married and have 3 children. We live in a apartment far away from you. Why do you think you know little about my life? You nosy little thing!
3. "Marriage is so beautiful" I'm sure that's what they tell you in the 'how to make completely baseless statements' class. No facts on whether I believe marriage is a good thing or not.
4. "But marriage *is* beautiful" Sure you have me convinced, Is the guy I'm marrying waiting outside my house right now?
5. "If you don't get married now, when will you have kids?" Sure. Thanks for assuming that I want kids. also, who has kids at 30? Oh wait! Tons of people do!
6. "When you get married early, you'll adjust easily" Go to hell! If my age is criteria on how much I can be manipulated, why do I even need to marry someone? I'd rather be informed and sorted than be young and "adjusted".
7. "Your age" What. The. Hell. About. It? Why has being 24 somehow become the magical age to be married or die single?
8. "But men are not like that" I'm not being choosy when I talk about a decent guy. Sorry. If you think a decent guy is "not like that" why would I even torture myself by being married to a dirtbag?
9 "Hey! What guy is like that?" You know what, if you think that your assessment of an entire gender based on a sample size of your husband holds water, then I'm going to step away because I don't want to ruin your pretty little dream.
10. "What kind of wife do you see yourself as?": Oh. Great! Thanks. Just because I said I want to be in a relationship of equals? There is a limit to how much crap I can take. I'm not evil witch wife. I'm not a baby making machine. If that's what my husband is going to think of me... I don't want to complete this sentence.
11. Marriage is about compromise: Oh my god. A compromise is when you make a small adjustment. Not when you give up on everything you believe!
12. Don't you feel lonely? Be married, you'll have a person entirely to yourself. Yes. I do feel lonely. But the fact that you think that's a good enough reason to be in a relationship makes me sorry for you. I don't care. I will never put someone through my loneliness. Let alone deal with something like a marriage.
13. It's nice to be taken care of. I'm not 5. I don't need to be fed and burped. Seriously what are you high on? Why are you giving me the most terrible reasons to be married.
14. Are you emotionally unavailable? Yes Freud. In fact, I am. Should we spend an hour on the couch and talk about 'my issues'. Bullshit!
15. "What kind of guy are you looking for?" I've placed an order for the guy, the waiter said it'll take a few more minutes before he can serve him on a platter!
16 "I know the perfect guy for you" Sure from the tons of experience you have with me? I don't need a setter upper. You're uncle's son's third cousin's brother who you know by 'just his first name' isn't my perfect guy. I'll need more than 'he's a boy' as a criteria to marry someone.
17. You can't always be like this you know: H'aww! Are you saying I'm not Peter Pan? Of course I know I can't be like this and I'll need to grow up. But what you're telling me is I'll have to stop wearing certain clothes and stop behaving a certain way, start learning to make food, darling, that's not growing up, that's just conforming to gender roles!.
This one is really from the bottom of my heart to all the aunties who think they have "my best interests" in mind. Trust me, you don't know the half of it and it would do you good to stay out of it. If you have a suggestion let me know, don't simply go on and on about my unwillingness to be married.