I haven't directly spoken to too many men and women about rape and abuse issue. It's not like I can sit down for a cup of tea and have a chat about what the my friends, cousins, uncles and aunties think; mostly because the they will probably bring out the gory details, the post mortem of the case and that overly detailed description of the victims plight and that makes of me very very sad. No, I am not the world is pretty type people, I know the world is ugly. If my grief over the victims plight brings anything more than a dinner table discussion, I am okay to talk about it. It is the misinformed, judgmental ramble that makes me angry.
How easily someone will talk of the clothes instead of the morals. Someone will point out that ALL men are sleaze bags. No they aren't. I can't stand those conversations. I also can't stand the 'shit happens attitude' so I keep mum. I am not great at explaining, I cannot pull out statistics at the drop of a hat. So if you are going to judge me based on my ability to recollect names and events then I am not that person. I have however had the opportunity to hear people talk about rape and rape culture and some misinformed twats go on about whatever it is that they think it is.
Stupid explanation number one : Wear the right clothes. I would buy this explanation if clothes were the problem. The actual problem. I have seen just as many women hooted at in a salwar kameez as i have seen in shorts, so your logic of covering yourself up fails.
The next most popular one :Walk in brightly lit areas, is 12 in the afternoon not brightly lit? You can walk out in in a salwar kameez at 12 in the afternoon and still be stared at.
Don't go too close to a group of guys : This is the all men are sleaze bags explanation to things, I have been told many times to look down and walk away if I see a bunch of guys just standing. I am not embarrassed to accept it that I have. But the point is, that these people could be really decent and I will still never trust them.
I have had people tell me not to laugh too loudly, why?
People talk of the shame that will come upon you, what shame? What is wrong with raising your voice. The problem is that raising your voice attracts creeps who could easily do so much harm to you, you wouldn't want to ever step out again. I feel sorry for myself for walking away, but the law in this country is not by my side, God forbid if one of the guys in the Delhi incident finds some political connection, this case will be closed even before it starts off. I know I am angry and nauseated because it feels like this happens to all of us. I feel that we are statistics waiting to happen.
I have been stared at, passed comments at, called names. I know this only too well. People still don't seem to understand that the root cause of abuse isn't women. By that logic the problem with guns is that people have hands. You don't have to be aligned to a cause. You don't have to be a feminist to say rape is bad. It should just be a reflex. You can call yourself whatever you want as long as you do not think rape is okay. Yes, Also I know that men get raped too, and even that is not okay.