Sadly, Happiness.

I read this piece somewhere about happiness. It's quite funny how much  /actual/ research goes into the subject as personal as happiness. Psychologists and neurosurgeons spend millions of dollars and decades of research time into happiness or what makes people happy. This week has been about one epiphany after the other. From one major decision to another, from one life changer to another. There were a few things I believed about 'happiness'. But the last week I realised something else, Happiness is hardwork. Nobody is perennially happy. Chasing perennial happiness is perhaps as ridiculous an idea as immortality. Sounds interesting, even achievable but is obviously impossible. 

In a exercise I tried to list the things all the things that made me happy, here's the clincher; nothing makes me happy for a long time. No writing, reading, sleeping, eating, no amount of conversations, no perfect job. Nothing. Nothing has enough power to keep me  happy for a long time. But then I also realised some things make me more happy than the others like say talking to my mum made me more happy than say updating my Facebook status (not that there was ever a debate about it). Talking to my best friend made me more happy than talking on twitter (again, no contest). Baking a cake makes me happy. But these aren't perennial solutions to my happiness problems. If I was on the receiving end of a 'clean your room' lecture... I know fainting would make me happy or perhaps something less dramatic like a walk. But the point is we(I) worry too much about happiness. It's downright stupid. We worry just as much about happiness as about dying. 

I happened to come across this image, it said "The first step to getting what you want is having the courage to getting rid of what you don't." It was a weird light bulb moment for me, the internet delivered. This is what I meant by 'epiphany'.

I am a classic Facebook addict and I thought being on Facebook made me happy, turns out taking away Facebook from me has made me no less sad or happy. My total happiness has remained the same. All our attempts are towards being happy, we work too hard. We want happiness so badly that we are making ourselves miserable. 

Now, the irony bleeds to death here. We're sad that we aren't the right kind of happy. We want the text book definition of happy and obviously we aren't getting it. We aren't ever going to be happy. We aren't ever going to find a moment of pure bliss, movie moments happiness. Oh! I know I am coming of as very pessimistic and don't let me stop you from going to 'be happy'. If you find it, good. 

The point is that happiness in it's current state is overrated. Seriously. Think about it. Happiness is overrated. It's like a competition, it's a race to see who is the happiest. Who can decode what happiness is? Happiness is this, happiness is that, happiness is a new book, new clothes, new bla, blah, blah... sadly, I fell for it and so bad. The internet tells you a certain thing is 'happiness'. It's not. Certain people have it better, they don't. 

Speaking of happiness, I thought I had a certain idea on what happiness would be like and surprisingly it comes very close to what I want. But in that vision, I see myself existing in vacuum, nobody or nothing affects me. I live entirely on my own terms and given that the universe is a heartless mistress, I know it's never happening. 

I realized we are trying so hard too be happy, it's almost funny. It's like a cruel joke you play on yourself. You think that something will make you happy. It almost never does. The problem with it is that the vision of our 'happiness' is inflated. Inflated to the point that if real happiness and bliss knocked on our doors and declared itself with a visiting card, we'd be disappointed. So disappointed. We expect perennial happiness. 

"We come together only to go apart again. The law of life can't be avoided. The law comes into operation the moment we detach ourselves from our mothers womb. All struggle and misery in life is due to our attempt to arrest this law or get away from it or in allowing ourselves to be hurt by It. The fact must be recognised a profound unmitigated loneliness is the only truth of life. All else is false. The law of life. No sense battling against it."

- R K Narayan.  

Shaadis and aunties.

I'm of the age where everything I do is under the scanner. My daily schedule is a matter of great curiosity to everyone. Yes, I'm of the "marriageable age" and everyone my age is getting married. While I love the fact that they are getting engaged or married, I am also worried that  I'm constantly measured along with my married friends and family. "Dekho, she got married". "Such a nice boy, roz mandir bhi jaata hai", and I am here, wondering why adults in my life have  become investigating officers who keep track of our lives.  It's like  "big brother" or should I say "big mother".

All the aunties in my life are suggesting, approving and disproving of my choices. "Arre you are a nice girl, you'll find a nice boy". Yes aunty. I know. I'm very nice. Thanks.  "Par beta, you are very headstrong about certain things, marriage means you have to be flexible." again, thanks aunty. I am sure that marriage is a synonym for adjustment. I love how all the aunties faces light up when I do the "Ha, aunty. Koi ladka toh dekho" because I've learned from my experience that there is no point in arguing with the aunties who constantly suggest the lovely men. "Ya, MNC company mei working. He passed from college in 2004. Now works for some American company. Very good boy, tall also. Father is this, mother is this... well settled also" Please note the MNC-Company reference.

There is no doubt that these aunties are thinking "mere acche ke liye hi" but I feel like reminding them that I'm not the same girl they knew from 10 years ago. I'm not even the same girl I was 5 years ago. But whatever it is, these aunties are fun! They have a very twisted sense of humour and man! I love when that comes out. Any girl who has been a part of a wedding ceremony has not escaped 3 things a)Arre, you're looking so nice. Pakka, You're next" and b) that sense of humour that the otherwise not so fun aunties bring out during weddings. Also, c)Koi ladka dekh liya hai kya?

My answers to the first and last question are a demented smile that don't answer or not answer the question. What I do enjoy is the humour part!  It's totally awesome. The way they will comment, talk, laugh, be snide. Oh! The comments. It's like these women lead a parallel lives at comedy circus. My otherwise sober aunt who is very composed and calm suddenly becomes the life of a wedding. and this is all new to me. I've always known my mother, my aunts and everyone else to be really really calm and not-fun. They were people who made me eat vegetables and drink milk. How can they be fun?  But now,  it's like I've been seeing them all wrong, enter my twenties, sudden transformation. I'm the un-fun one. I'm the boring one who sits in the corner and looks bored.

It's quite funny that my marriage has now become the centre for every discussion. Maggie made aloo ki subzi, oh! Shaadi ki umar. Maggi got up at 6 today, oh shaadi ki ummar.Everything I do is because of my shaadi ki umar. It's like everything I'm doing these days is to somehow make my potential husband happy. I like how selective retention works for the aunties and to my good luck. It is lol worthy that Aunties will not remember that I still hoard comic books or that I'm severely addicted to chocolates and things like that. If anyone does point it out, Phat se someone will say,  shaadi ke baad thik ho jayega. I would just like to tell them that those things are not really some kind of illness and my shaadi is not some magical antidote to my craziness, I'm still going to be the same book hoarding, batman loving, facebook crazy, lost writer, late sleeper, not so early riser I always was. :D

"Insert cliche Hindi Film friendship quote"

Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda

I have a lot of friends who are the very reason I stay sane or insane I should say. They let me be myself, they let me accept myself and they love me for exactly who I am. I wouldn't have been this person had it not been these people who kept my insanity in check.

I've always had many guy friends, my best buddy is one. I've never had too many girl buddies (even after having been in an all girls school). I have no problem with girls, I've had just never met "the one" or "the two". That changed in Bangalore, Each day, I am glad I wake up with my phone list that shows at least a few names I can call. I make this post to two people who I love very very dearly. I cannot make this post without stressing enough on how important these people have been to me.

This post is to my extended family, I guess I will have to write separate posts about Dipti, Swati, Ann, Zuli, Poorvi because they are awesome. But this post I make out especially to Zainab and Pooja; my roommates, my extended family, my late night call buddies, my cry my heart out to people, talk crap and forget people.

This is a story that goes back 2 years. I go to this awesome PG next to the college I studied at, it was a  nice place, I asked the aunty there who my roommates would be, she said she had options for 3 flats and I picked Flat 1. That was the BEST decision I made. I picked flat 1 for the only reason that aunty said these people work and are not students, so it struck me that I would possibly get the house to myself a lot and I could have silence around the house all the time. (I was to be blamed for all the chaos that ensued in that flat).

Day one of the moving in.  -  Generally, I get along well with people older than or younger than me it's just my age that I struggle with. I had moved in all my stuff previously and then comeback in June to live. I hadn't met any of these people, so I was full of anticipation   Day one, I finished college and walked home and fell asleep, as usual both Zainab and Pooja were at work. So I did a 'flat to myself' jump of joy and went on to read some and then fall asleep.

First impressions aren't everything, I can tell you from my experience from these two. The first day was not all great, I had fallen asleep on the couch after reading and at about 7 in the evening Pooja enters. I am tall and I had occupied the entire couch, Pooja screams to another roommate, "Arre toh aise hi hall me soyegi kya?" she was clearly annoyed that I was sleeping in the hall. (LOL) it gets better, I wake up. I walk in without a word. I am just out of my sleep and just wondering if I'm going to be bullied by all these ' grown ups' in the house. (I was wrong; Pooja was the one who got the maximum amount of torture)  BTW, later these same people covered me with a blanket when I fell asleep and tiptoed around me when I slept. Yelled at my other roomie for switching on the TV when I was sleeping and stuff like that.

Zainab I hadn't met till the second day, Zainab doesn't really like people who are annoying. She is very straight forward about that. She is just 'I will beat you up if you mess with me' person. You know when she is pissed, she hates 'stupid people'. The problem was ,I am no engineer, I just assumed I was one of those  'stupid people' she would be annoyed with.  I was just going to try really hard to be friends since we clearly had nothing in common. I was a communications person, these were engineers. If they weren't so nice,  my engineer buddies really would have beat me up for how much I troubled them.

Once you get to know Zainab, you know how adorable she is and once I knew how she really was was, I realised how wrong I was about her initially. Zainab is a fashionista if I know one. This woman knows stuff. It's just really fun to discuss everything from books to boredom. We can talk about boredom, like *actually* talk about it. I've spent many waking hours talking about everything under the sun, late into the night. We'd suddenly realise it was 3 in the morning and then try to fall asleep. Her sense of humour is quite awesome. You should get her to do a few famous impressions. (Amazing)

With these two people I've shared a friendship that comes with a lot of kindness, a lot of genuine concern, a lot of joy. This friendship is based on a lot of respect. Although I've chosen to ridicule Pooja on soo many things, I had this nickname for Pooja (Saala Engineer) I called her. It was not to mock engineers. There was just no disrespect at all. (None intended at engineers reading this). Pooja says the most random things, it gets all complicated when she is talking and then you have to stop her and go 'Oye! Engineer' that's her cue to explain again. That is all. Pooja defies laws of Physics, just like that. But I know when she does it intentionally  as well. Just to get us to laugh about it.

With Zainab the friendship is based on our mutual hatred for certain things, ;) as a group we hated Hindi TV Shows and I just get a kick out of criticizing every goddamn thing on TV. I've collectively seen what feels like a million years of TV time. (Most I've ever seen in my life). I watched these shows only to piss Pooja and the fellow roomies. Zainab and I teamed up. On one of the days we just thought what roles we would fit into and Zainab and Me were immediately cast as the villians (The evil nanad and devrani type people).  I know we were being silly but we enjoyed this,  Pooja who was the kind and submissive character. I still remember telling Pooja ' Zara baby ke liye paani garam karna" (I'm not a bad person, I was only joking because Pooja is just too kind and we wanted her to lose some of it, to make us look good. We'd all burst laughing after that.Okay, Pooja starts most of her sentences for me with 'Kaminey...' (Just so you know I wasnt being abusive)

This stuff wont make sense to anybody. This is all contextual, but I really wanted to write about them. These are people who took care of me when I was down with a terrible fever. They were people who called up from work to ask me how I'm feeling, they (All my roomies) have thrown me a birthday party when I was not expecting it.. They've seen me at my worst. They are probably the first set people I will choose to tell about things in my life.

This post really brings back the wonderful things we did as roommates, I share completely different friendship dynamic with both of them, but both equally important. Every phone conversation I've had with both of them has lasted a few hours and in these hours we have gone from being happy to sad and back to happy again. We've all had our challenges to work with and we've all done it and dealt with them in the best way we can. Hell! We've done excellently!

I missing living with these people, I miss those "girly" Friday nights, those Pizza treats, all that hanging around comm street and brigade. I miss living with people who know to have patience, I miss calling Pooja 'Bai', I miss hating things with Zainab, these people know how to treat with kindness, to love without conditions, to point out exactly when I am being a complete nut case! There are so many things I could tell you about my friends and about the time I spent with them, those late night ice creams we shared, the dinners we've had, TV shows we've loved. I wish this post wasn't already this long and I wasn't bursting with excitement to post this.


**Most of the things I talk to either of them are unsuitable for the blog post; let me just refrain from writing about them.**

Happiness in things

Here is a list of not so materialistic or (may be) things that can pass of as happiness itself. 

1. Brewing a perfect cup of coffee with the right amount of sugar and the right amount coffee and just that touch of milk! steaming and in a beautiful mug on a lazy holiday! Ah perfect, happiness doesn't go too far from there. 
2. Happiness is to cuddle up with your safety toy. All of us as children and some of us as adults have sleeping rituals that are quite complicated to explain, but when you get to carry them out without any hindrance its pretty epic. For me its just a bunch of books by the night stand, I need a book near me, like my safety toy.
3. Waking up really early in the morning only to realise you have 3 more hours before you actually have to wake up. Anyone who hates their alarms as much as I do, knows the feeling.
4. Sticking one foot out on a semi cold night and realizing how perfect it feels
5. Watching your favorite team winning and having your opposition just sit there.! 
6. Receiving random comments on your writing. Epic
7. Buying a book because the cover is pretty. We've all done it, haven't we?
8. Having a burger with double cheese after a bad day and not worrying about putting on weight! 
9. A perfect High Five ! C'mon Ofcourse all of us love it. That perfect moment when both of you feel the need and it gets delivered accordingly. Also you know what is better than a High Five? beating someone at arm-wrestling!! 
10. Coming up with a smart ass comment to shut the bully up. You could get beaten up the next day, but for the day you have won.
11. Listening to a song because it reminds you of a better time. Wait, that just makes it sucky. No cancel that song stuff. Make that -listening to a sad song and realizing you are not sad anymore and that song is only a song. 
12.  Opening a book and sniffing the pages after they have just been delivered or unwrapped. This is the Epic-est.
13. Glow in the dark stars on the ceiling
14. Watching the funniest episode of a sitcom.
15.  Finding out that your internet connection has become faster and cheaper! -come on greatest joy of them all! 

LION LOVE!

Let me start by saying I have fewer friends than an albino lion, I have acquaintances more than leaves of a fully grown banyan tree. Yes, after drawing those metaphors that don't really say much about what I have to say, I have a point to make. I have friends like the albino lion, very few, very true. Nobody wants to talk to an albino lion, but the ones that do, actually talk to him. They are not freaked out or surprised by his appearances. Okay, the Albino parallel ends there, I  am neither albino nor a lion. My point however can also be brought about by Elsa, the lion cub from Born Free (Yes! Lion obsession)

My inspiration for this post

I would like to be that Albino lion to have fewer friends but friends who are extremely honest, brutally if possible. I have had a few friends I have had the opportunity to be with and I am so happy to have met them. Most relationships end because people forget, they get busy, they outgrow you, people become unimportant, mostly because newer people come in and the old ones fade away.  But like Elsa, true friends don't let anything come in their way.  People can be in the most committed relationships and they still make time for their friends, my friends have. My friends were committed in every way possible but never failed to answer a 2 AM call. Never failed to give me a call just like that. Yes! sometimes when that happens, you know you have found something. 

Last time I was talking to my Best Friend (soul sister) type person and just to clarify that while people may think I throw around the word best friend with little thought, I use it very carefully. I don't just call people BFF's and yes, I have seen myself go from BFF to JF (just friends) like a backward transition and I am not slightly surprised by that. We are people, we forget. How I respond to that forgetfulness is entirely my call. 

But moving on to the beautiful topic of friends, friends who I truly adore mostly because these guys make an effort to stay in touch. I mean my friend Poorvi does not claim undying love for me and yet she says or does things for me that clearly send out a sentiment very difficult to put in words. She is someone I hold so close to my heart. I met Poorvi in my graduation and I have ever since been attached to her. I called her Sister Power just for fun and it stuck. She doesn't make me feel clingy, second rate, she doesn't make me feel like I am the only one who thinks this friendship is important and THAT is so important! 

I understand people have jobs, boyfriends, a husband, girlfriends, a wife, they have a family, separate groups of friends to take care of and inspite of them if somebody takes so much as a minute from time to time to think of you, I think it would be heavenly. It is not a need, it is something that naturally happens, I think about my besties all the time (Not creepy at all). I keep thinking of how in the world I would live without these people and you know what? I really have a tough time imagining it.

The words love you are thrown around so casually, and I am one to blame as well, but how many of us can actually claim this love, I do not know. As I understand friendships are easy to to forge, very easy in fact, a little commonality, a little patience, a general non psychopathic behavior and you are in. A little denser than that you have best friends, claimable best friendship atleast. But it begs the question, is it friendship because it is? or because you call it one? 

Not everyone you claim to be your friend is one, some are close acquaintances, most feel like besties because you see them everyday much like work friends, you meet them, you wait for them at your desk each day, you have your ritualistic teas, you share a meal, you talk about your home, you talk about how you hate the cold and how you wish somebody made pakodas, next day that work friend brings pakodas to work and there! instantaneously- BFFness!  But if this same person were to quit his/her job and move to a different continent, would you care enough to meet him/her? Forget continents, if this person switches companies, would you? Let me tell you what happens, within days your calls will stop.  You have nothing to discuss, no torrid affairs from work, you don't know her job, she doesn't know your team anymore, she doesn't have the same boss, she cannot be interested in your job because how much could you possibly deduce from a random chat, people in both your lives have changed and you have really no patience to explain them to each other, you don't have the same camaraderie, hell you don't even know what to say to each other if you meet up at a restaurant. This has happened to many of us, Our lives that are based on commonality come crashing down once the commonness goes away. If the commonness is something like seeing them everyday, or sharing work space, then all the best! Try and make it work. Do you really care? That is another question. 

If something can stand the test of time and distance, may be then you should call it real. I am not being negative here, No! I am just trying to stress on the fact that over a lifetime as long as ours, we are bound to meet people who are like us, what you need to see is, what is it that is making this friendship tick? If I was somewhere else would I care about this person so much? Is my early morning coffee ritual the only thing that is making me stick around this person?  The answers are right there. If you can answer them and if you smile to yourself know you are okay. 

Remember, there is no tomorrow to keep in touch. You either are or you are not. Tomorrow is too far away. Tomorrow is busier, tomorrow has more work, tomorrow has more people coming in. If you want to call someone tomorrow, make it happen. Do it! There are a few Albino lions who really care who talks to them. A few Elsa type friends who will stick around for years and make you feel warm and nice and happy just by saying they are around. Be an Elsa to an Albino Lion! I have found a few Elsas myself! right from a few months to 5 years to 18 years and 22 years! :)

There, so much for lion love! 

IF SOMETHING STANDS THE TEST OF TIME AND DISTANCE, KNOW THAT IT IS SURE AS HELL WORTH IT

My Elsas live close by and across the world . 

Peace Out baby!

This comes after a truly horrid week of self doubt and feeling miserable. But looks like I have some closure. All I needed was to reflect on who I had become and where I was headed. I have never be under confident and it always showed. The one time I started having major self doubts was a few months ago where my focus had shifted, almost completely. 

#That moment when your random internet search helps you take life changing decisions#

I was reeling under pressure to be better, be successful to do something considerable with my life and I was physically exhausted, the process like I mentioned earlier was tedious. I was looking for answers and not having them furthered my problems. I spoke to several people over the last week, I realised that EVERYBODY was truly unhappy with their life. I was obviously relieved to know that, but I felt I shouldn't be so pathetic. I shouldn't complain so much.  My problems were largely internal, acquired, intrinsic (add few words that will tell you my problems were in my head -try refraining from psychological or mental :)). I have after a week of crying (not literal) and cribbing (very literal) and complaining (like there was no tomorrow) decided to give up on it. I have promised myself to not complain. I hate how weak it makes me look, how vulnerable it makes me to bad decisions and how helpless I feel.

I did what any sane person would do, I looked for council, I spoke to my friends, my best friends, my mother, sister, went on the internet, to the street dog and well just about everybody who would listen to me complain. I got a rude wake up call, when my mother quite subtly told me that I had been gloomy for over a week and I should snap out of it because it was affecting people around me. *"Hint hint, I am being subtle" she said*. Okay! That was not true, but it was evident that my interactions with people had changed; I hadn't spoken to people in over 5 days and it was getting to them and me. I realised that I was being openly unhappy and that is not who I am. I am the generally merry one. If I was a dwarf I would be called 'Merry' -that is how fun I can be. (weird dwarf I would make) LOL.

Once is enough! Never again!

This week changed me and I would not go through it again. I wrote poetry, so clearly I was upset. One night after I heard myself complain and got bored of it myself; I kept awake till about 4 in the morning to figure stuff out. But no avail. Then I went out with my sister and while I was in the car, it struck me. I have all the time in the world. I have nothing to prove to anybody, anybody who loves me is not judging me, so what if I am unhappy with my work or with my life, there is ALWAYS some way to fix it. I can make anything challenging for myself if I took control and did stuff. What I was honestly tired of was monotony. So I decided to break away from it, to do something that would make me feel like I am doing something with my life. I decided to wake up each morning and take a walk on my terrace, to listen to new kinds of music, to read books that make me better. But most of all, I realised I just had to stop complaining, I could always ask for help, people have always helped me out, they have performed several tangible and intangible things acts of great kindness, but never because I was some miserable, mopping creature rather because I asked for exactly what I wanted. For instance, I am largely claustrophobic and I signed up for an adventure sports weekend trip in Christ I was in for a shock. I have to lie flat on my back and crawl through a cave. *shudders*. But I did it. I survived it and I lived to tell the tale! People helped me. They held my hand. I fell down (literally) and they picked me up. The only thing I really feel I need to do is DO stuff, anything. Take risks, get a little hurt, may be fall down but then pick myself up and start over. 

Life is never short; It is the longest thing you will ever get to do. 

Sputnik Sweetheart -Quotable Stuff

Some quotes really talk to me. And one book that did after a very long time was the Sputnik Sweetheart. I will write a review later. But before I forget these quotes i want to write them down. May be sometime, explain them as well.



“Instead of things I’m good at, it might be faster to list the
things I can’t do. I can’t cook or clean the house. My room’s a
mess, and I’m always losing things. I love music, but I can’t
sing a note. I’m clumsy and can barely sew a stitch. My sense of
direction is the pits, and I can’t tell left from right half the time.
When I get angry, I tend to break things. Plates and pencils,
alarm clocks. Later on I regret it, but at the time I can’t help
myself. I have no money in the bank. I’m bashful for no reason,
and I have hardly any friends to speak of.”
Sumire took a quick breath and forged ahead.



We used to spend hours talking. We never got tired of
talking, never ran out of topics—novels, the world, scenery,
language. Our conversations were more open and intimate
than any lovers’.

“The thought hits me a lot these days that maybe my novelwriting
days are over. The world’s crawling with stupid,
innocent girls, and I’m just one of them, self-consciously
chasing after dreams that’ll never come true. I should shut the
piano lid and come down off the stage. Before it’s too late.”

Do you know what ‘Sputnik’ means in
Russian? ‘Travelling companion’. I looked it up in a dictionary
not long ago. Kind of a strange coincidence if you think about
it. I wonder why the Russians gave their satellite that strange
name. It’s just a poor little lump of metal, spinning around the
Earth.”

And it came to me then. That we were wonderful travelling
companions, but in the end no more than lonely lumps of metal
on their own separate orbits. From far off they look like
beautiful shooting stars, but in reality they’re nothing more
than prisons, where each of us is locked up alone, going
nowhere. When the orbits of these two satellites of ours
happened to cross paths, we could be together. Maybe even
open our hearts to each other. But that was only for the briefest
moment. In the next instant we’d be in absolute solitude. Until
we burned up and became nothing.”

Happiness they say!

We are a world ‘trying’ to be different. We are very very similar people. Our fears our identical, our hopes are similar, our expectations are same. Yes, the way we express all these emotions may be completely different but we intrinsically hope for the same outcome. Happiness.

It is quite complicated to explain how we try to find happiness. Sometimes we want people, sometimes we don’t. We want meaningful relationships and sometimes we just want to have fun.  While each of these is a justified way to find the elusive happiness, it truly does take some real effort to see what makes us happy. Sadly, if we found our key to happiness, our definition of humans- as the universe’s playthings changes. May be that is why some considerable force beyond us keeps us worried, unhappy and stressed out.

What we really want is a moment of peace, but no! There is a constant need to find answers; just while one question is answered another question pops up. To people like me, who are comfortable with answers only, this wanting answers policy in life drives us crazy.  Its 22 years and I’m still a complicated nut case with very little clarity. Often I tell myself it is going to be okay. But I still need to know how. What I can do to make it perfect.  

When you take complete responsibility for your life, you feel like you need to do everything right.  I envy those who have direction and admire those who have let everything to chance. Life is sorted. This false sense of control is a major deceiver. It lets you think you are in control of your destiny when in fact you are in anything, but control.

To put it quite simply, Happiness is that elusive butterfly that flies by you, often touches you and the rest of the day you are wishing that butterfly would hang around. I wish I had the answers; the truth is I don’t have answers, I have squat on my life, actually like Raj says. I wish I had squat. All I have is a bunch of ideas and no way of knowing if I will actually see any of it comes to life. My wishes are like those kids who wish Santa got them specific presents for Christmas, they get presents, but not the ones they asked for, so they are not sure whether to be happy or sad!   (It is in absolutely depressing parallel to draw, but I have none that quite justify how I feel)