Fat!? FAT?!

 I watched as twitter went all kinds of crazy over Akash Ambani. The first thought that came to my mind was this quote

"“Is 'fat' really the worst thing a human being can be? Is 'fat' worse than 'vindictive', 'jealous', 'shallow', 'vain', 'boring' or 'cruel'? Not to me."

― J.K. Rowling 

And really, this isn't how you should be judging people. All kinds of people walk this earth and you know what, it doesnt matter if you think they are beautiful or not. They are. I read a few horrible tweets, some of them were so vindictive and cruel, 

1)"@stupidusmaximus #FutureNews The Ambani feud comes to a conclusive end when Akash Ambani eats Anil."

12 Apr 11

2) @BollywoodGandu Mumbai Indians prepare to launch Akash Ambani in response to RCB balloon.

3)  ‏RT@gulzared You can't trend Akash Ambani .Twitter will get crash .

4)@dipeshparmar46 Akash Ambani is so fat that when he sat on his iPhone and it became iPad

You'd think that people would have a little bit of humanity. People, don't try to paint that "He is a rich kid, think of the millions that starve" picture. Don't even try to sell me all that crap with an equally tragic tale. Yes, I'm sad about those million kids who starve, I don't think making fun of Akash Ambani is some kind of karmic justice. I'm not buying that, You are clearly speaking from privilege, you are not obese (Which isn't even what Akash is). But lets go with the Obese , over eating kid logic of yours because your tiny brain cannot process that perhaps some bodily functions do get messed up. I'd like you to have the same sense of humor about your really fat mother. LOL. (See, not funny is it?) 

If I found out that he was fixing matches, I'd be very angry. I'd even say he should probably be in jail.  But right now,  I'd really like to call bullshit on people who make fun of someone's weight, fat or thin. Under or overweight, You have no right, this isn't even a question about rights, this is about having basic sense of humanity. Nobody is telling you to be fat, well if you can somehow be thin, good for you (Or may be not, but since you are an asshole, I wouldn't care too much about your health) That is how angry I am. 

Fat shaming is this collective effort of an entire group of individuals that come from privilege who pick on soft targets to shame that which  is not even in a person's control. To think that someone does not already know that they are fat or thin is to assume that people don't look at themselves and we know this isn't true. You really think people like to be fat? people like to be thin? We'd like to be healthy, we'd like to want to be in our skins without waking up each morning to be taller, thinner, fairer, slimmer. We all want to eat anything and not put on weight just so you can buy the size 28 jeans, or put on weight just so that dress would fit.  But you know our body is not made to our whims, no amount of sit ups, push ups or  bench presses will make our thyroid work better. No amount of medication will make the asthma disappear. Modern medicine comes with its side effects, while one will live a relatively comfortable life, one may not be 'society standard perfect' but may be that's just something you don't get.

Well, I really hope you don't have a kid who has asthma or a thyroid problem, because you sound like the person who would rather their kid stayed thin, so what if he/she suffered in silence? Right? No, trust me, you'd run pillar to post to ensure your kid was at least getting a fighting chance. And it  is nothing to be ashamed of either. But the way you pick on this kid, really begs the question - what are you so angry about? Obviously not just him being fat. If you are angry that he is rich, that he has a posh house he lives in, he gets to meet Sachin or anything like that  trust me, this is probably not his dream. All of it happens because his father is a millionaire, so you being brutal to this kid is not settling your score against his father. (Hell, you aren't in the same league. He could buy you and everything about you with his pocket change). 

So stop; you are not making fun of someones "fatness"; You are making fun of an entire person, he comes with a body, mind and soul. He comes with dreams and aspirations. He comes with his own insecurities, his own understanding of his flaws, his issues. Each morning look at the things you try to make peace with. That strand of grey hair you try to hide, that tummy you try to tuck in after your pants feel tight, how you try to hide all those pimple marks on your face. Well, being fat is not that easy to hide. Stop making other people feel the need to hide themselves. They don't deserve you placing your hate on them. 

Stop the hate! :)

The rains and the coming back.

It rained! and I always love when it does. Everything looks washed clean and full of life. A rain is all it took for me to comeback from this dry spell I've been having (writing wise, on this blog). It rained and it rained too loudly for you to even get your thoughts in place. It was windy, the patter of the rain on the windows was making it difficult for me to even look out.

The rains are here, the rains bring respite, the rains bring hope. The dry summer heat has filled me (and everyone) with irritation, anger, a certain desperation and with the downpour today it looked like the wind and rain had taken all that away.

It started pouring at about 6 in the evening, I had just gotten back from work. I was a little agitated anyway because I was hungry and because some days are just so annoying. I just sat there in my big chair, eyes shut, thinking what I'm doing with myself. And just then, thunder, the light breeze had become a little charged and somewhere in my house a window made a loud thud as it hit the frame. I woke up!

I looked out and I thought it must be pouring, I was disappointed when I looked at the pale blue sky and the light brown dust being carried by the wind. I wanted to make myself a cup of coffee and simply retreat into my bed.

And then magic happened!

It started pouring, the rains were here. They were not the rains that I'd witnessed in the last few days, it was not light showers. These were rains, the hindi film romantic rain, the "barish me cham cham' dance tune rains, the 'peheli baarish' rains. This downpour reminded me of the Shubha Mudgal song ' Ab ke saawan'. It felt apropos. I was out (obviously)

The Leaves and the washed perspective on life!

Just then my overly concerned mother who knows if I do end up having a fever I will be a big cry baby! pointed out that I'm better off inside. But I decided to use the old "5 min sleep' bargain with her. "Yes Maa, 5 min" by this time I'm drenched. She knows there is no point in asking me to come in. But just because she is my mother, she chooses to ignore my countless pleas and demands that I get in that very second.  #Enter savior#

My brother just happened to enter at the end of my 5 min in the rain deadline, he suggests we go out for a walk in the rain! I happily obliged. By this time I had forgotten everything, I was IN THE MOMENT! That was a magical thing for me, considering that in the past few months I've been living in the past or in the future. Worrying, fretting, imagining. Now, there was none of that. No thoughts of the future, no grief from the past. I'm not suggesting it'll not comeback. But just then, it wasn't. If rains could cure the hurt, the worries, the troubles both imaginary and real, the monsoons would be considered anti depressants.

A few drops here, a reminder of a few drops there. 

But something more wonderful happened, I was there, all ears. Wanting to make an attempt. I wanted to stop making an excuse for not doing things. The life in those leaves, the croaking of those frogs, the crickets, the gushing of the waters down the drain, the thunder, the lightning all of that was so full of positive energy!

I was transported back to a self where I was a hopeful teenager, full of zeal! I just wanted to do thing. Just do them! Speaking of being a teenager, I was reminded of making paper boats with my family and floating them, especially with my grandmother. Just one of those things you do because it is one of the things you can do!

Peace Out baby!

This comes after a truly horrid week of self doubt and feeling miserable. But looks like I have some closure. All I needed was to reflect on who I had become and where I was headed. I have never be under confident and it always showed. The one time I started having major self doubts was a few months ago where my focus had shifted, almost completely. 

#That moment when your random internet search helps you take life changing decisions#

I was reeling under pressure to be better, be successful to do something considerable with my life and I was physically exhausted, the process like I mentioned earlier was tedious. I was looking for answers and not having them furthered my problems. I spoke to several people over the last week, I realised that EVERYBODY was truly unhappy with their life. I was obviously relieved to know that, but I felt I shouldn't be so pathetic. I shouldn't complain so much.  My problems were largely internal, acquired, intrinsic (add few words that will tell you my problems were in my head -try refraining from psychological or mental :)). I have after a week of crying (not literal) and cribbing (very literal) and complaining (like there was no tomorrow) decided to give up on it. I have promised myself to not complain. I hate how weak it makes me look, how vulnerable it makes me to bad decisions and how helpless I feel.

I did what any sane person would do, I looked for council, I spoke to my friends, my best friends, my mother, sister, went on the internet, to the street dog and well just about everybody who would listen to me complain. I got a rude wake up call, when my mother quite subtly told me that I had been gloomy for over a week and I should snap out of it because it was affecting people around me. *"Hint hint, I am being subtle" she said*. Okay! That was not true, but it was evident that my interactions with people had changed; I hadn't spoken to people in over 5 days and it was getting to them and me. I realised that I was being openly unhappy and that is not who I am. I am the generally merry one. If I was a dwarf I would be called 'Merry' -that is how fun I can be. (weird dwarf I would make) LOL.

Once is enough! Never again!

This week changed me and I would not go through it again. I wrote poetry, so clearly I was upset. One night after I heard myself complain and got bored of it myself; I kept awake till about 4 in the morning to figure stuff out. But no avail. Then I went out with my sister and while I was in the car, it struck me. I have all the time in the world. I have nothing to prove to anybody, anybody who loves me is not judging me, so what if I am unhappy with my work or with my life, there is ALWAYS some way to fix it. I can make anything challenging for myself if I took control and did stuff. What I was honestly tired of was monotony. So I decided to break away from it, to do something that would make me feel like I am doing something with my life. I decided to wake up each morning and take a walk on my terrace, to listen to new kinds of music, to read books that make me better. But most of all, I realised I just had to stop complaining, I could always ask for help, people have always helped me out, they have performed several tangible and intangible things acts of great kindness, but never because I was some miserable, mopping creature rather because I asked for exactly what I wanted. For instance, I am largely claustrophobic and I signed up for an adventure sports weekend trip in Christ I was in for a shock. I have to lie flat on my back and crawl through a cave. *shudders*. But I did it. I survived it and I lived to tell the tale! People helped me. They held my hand. I fell down (literally) and they picked me up. The only thing I really feel I need to do is DO stuff, anything. Take risks, get a little hurt, may be fall down but then pick myself up and start over. 

Life is never short; It is the longest thing you will ever get to do. 

Here is a little thought! feel free to disagree!

I was deeply touched by the idea of “Love is all accepting " On more thought I realised that the love –is all accepting, how far is this true? Love probably helps you to some extent to accept the pain caused, but love of a person or thing is reduced by the happening of certain events, how do say love accepts betrayal, betrayal simply scars the ability to love, similarly with jealousy. Lets look at it from a non filmy, non Hollywood/bollywood perspective. My mother truly loves me! And God knows she does, she has never once said its ok, after I have hurt her feelings, she has however always said ok, after I apologised. In a sense regret or genuine guilt help one realise love and sustain it.

Coming to think of it love does not accept everything, what truly nourishes love and makes the idea of the said event bearable is not the ability to love, but the ability to look past it and seek the love it hides within the regret. If love bore all, it would simply stagnate to tolerance... isn’t it?

Coming to think of it, love I feel is overrated, it is not a separate phenomenon is it? Love is omnipotent, you feel it with the company of friends, family and animals or things! ‘Love bears all’ I cannot really debate the topic because heart of hearts I want to simply buy the idea, but I know its not the case. ‘love does not accept being walked upon, love does not accept losing identity, love does not bear cheating, love sometimes, does not stand (sadly) the test of time. Love simply grows, flourishes and just like any other feeling runs its course. How do people in love then sustain 50 –70 years of marriage you may ask... well to answer that, many things contribute to that, respect.. acceptance, irreplacebleness of the relationship make you stick through the relationship, ofcourse sometimes it’s just fear of letting go, hurt, fear of getting looked down upon or just having a stronger reason to stay. Although I would still think of love as all powerful, I would like to think of love as subject to change, discretion and most importantly judgement. Love helps accept all of the people’s idiosyncrasies and craziness but not a persons short falls, like his ability to stay loyal. No! Love cannot overlook that. Sincere guilt helps may be overcome the fault and sail through tough times but definitely does not leave a person without scarring. Do you really believe a mother who is slapped by her own son will love the son without her love for him taking a beating? Well a mothers love may be the epitome of love but her being hurt will take time to heal. Do you think a cheating husband will ever get the same reverence he got from his wife the day they were married? They may... again after a serious healing, but definitely without the same intensity. Love is and forever will be as delicate an object although tough like glass is as likely to break, may be sometimes be recycled or rejoined but you know its not the same! Love thus does not bear all, love helps one bear all, till it becomes unbearable, love does not end, love simply ceases to exist... sometimes replaced by bitterness, sometimes by guilt, sometimes by experience and sometimes by a different person.