I'm 24 and the world around me has be believing that I'm going on to 90. In a few more months I'll be 25 and few more years from now, I'll be 30 and so on. I don't know when I'll be married. I don't know if I'll be married. Will I find "the one"? That's a question I'm not even going to be asking. I'm 24 and single and I'm staying this way till I feel differently.
But this post isn't about my singledom or "loneliness" (I'm rather sad that the word single and lonely are used interchangeably). This post goes out to every married person out there who thinks they've earned the divine right to lecture me on being married. It is one cliched sentence after the other. One cuddly statement after the other, one 'but why' after the other.
Here is the 17 things I'm tired of hearing. In fact every single woman being asked to be married is tired of hearing.
1. "Why don't you have a boyfriend?" Sorry I missed the line where they were distributing them for free. Did you find yours on sale?!
2. "Are you not telling us something?" Oh! Yes. I'm married and have 3 children. We live in a apartment far away from you. Why do you think you know little about my life? You nosy little thing!
3. "Marriage is so beautiful" I'm sure that's what they tell you in the 'how to make completely baseless statements' class. No facts on whether I believe marriage is a good thing or not.
4. "But marriage *is* beautiful" Sure you have me convinced, Is the guy I'm marrying waiting outside my house right now?
5. "If you don't get married now, when will you have kids?" Sure. Thanks for assuming that I want kids. also, who has kids at 30? Oh wait! Tons of people do!
6. "When you get married early, you'll adjust easily" Go to hell! If my age is criteria on how much I can be manipulated, why do I even need to marry someone? I'd rather be informed and sorted than be young and "adjusted".
7. "Your age" What. The. Hell. About. It? Why has being 24 somehow become the magical age to be married or die single?
8. "But men are not like that" I'm not being choosy when I talk about a decent guy. Sorry. If you think a decent guy is "not like that" why would I even torture myself by being married to a dirtbag?
9 "Hey! What guy is like that?" You know what, if you think that your assessment of an entire gender based on a sample size of your husband holds water, then I'm going to step away because I don't want to ruin your pretty little dream.
10. "What kind of wife do you see yourself as?": Oh. Great! Thanks. Just because I said I want to be in a relationship of equals? There is a limit to how much crap I can take. I'm not evil witch wife. I'm not a baby making machine. If that's what my husband is going to think of me... I don't want to complete this sentence.
11. Marriage is about compromise: Oh my god. A compromise is when you make a small adjustment. Not when you give up on everything you believe!
12. Don't you feel lonely? Be married, you'll have a person entirely to yourself. Yes. I do feel lonely. But the fact that you think that's a good enough reason to be in a relationship makes me sorry for you. I don't care. I will never put someone through my loneliness. Let alone deal with something like a marriage.
13. It's nice to be taken care of. I'm not 5. I don't need to be fed and burped. Seriously what are you high on? Why are you giving me the most terrible reasons to be married.
14. Are you emotionally unavailable? Yes Freud. In fact, I am. Should we spend an hour on the couch and talk about 'my issues'. Bullshit!
15. "What kind of guy are you looking for?" I've placed an order for the guy, the waiter said it'll take a few more minutes before he can serve him on a platter!
16 "I know the perfect guy for you" Sure from the tons of experience you have with me? I don't need a setter upper. You're uncle's son's third cousin's brother who you know by 'just his first name' isn't my perfect guy. I'll need more than 'he's a boy' as a criteria to marry someone.
17. You can't always be like this you know: H'aww! Are you saying I'm not Peter Pan? Of course I know I can't be like this and I'll need to grow up. But what you're telling me is I'll have to stop wearing certain clothes and stop behaving a certain way, start learning to make food, darling, that's not growing up, that's just conforming to gender roles!.
This one is really from the bottom of my heart to all the aunties who think they have "my best interests" in mind. Trust me, you don't know the half of it and it would do you good to stay out of it. If you have a suggestion let me know, don't simply go on and on about my unwillingness to be married.
But this post isn't about my singledom or "loneliness" (I'm rather sad that the word single and lonely are used interchangeably). This post goes out to every married person out there who thinks they've earned the divine right to lecture me on being married. It is one cliched sentence after the other. One cuddly statement after the other, one 'but why' after the other.
Here is the 17 things I'm tired of hearing. In fact every single woman being asked to be married is tired of hearing.
1. "Why don't you have a boyfriend?" Sorry I missed the line where they were distributing them for free. Did you find yours on sale?!
2. "Are you not telling us something?" Oh! Yes. I'm married and have 3 children. We live in a apartment far away from you. Why do you think you know little about my life? You nosy little thing!
3. "Marriage is so beautiful" I'm sure that's what they tell you in the 'how to make completely baseless statements' class. No facts on whether I believe marriage is a good thing or not.
4. "But marriage *is* beautiful" Sure you have me convinced, Is the guy I'm marrying waiting outside my house right now?
5. "If you don't get married now, when will you have kids?" Sure. Thanks for assuming that I want kids. also, who has kids at 30? Oh wait! Tons of people do!
6. "When you get married early, you'll adjust easily" Go to hell! If my age is criteria on how much I can be manipulated, why do I even need to marry someone? I'd rather be informed and sorted than be young and "adjusted".
7. "Your age" What. The. Hell. About. It? Why has being 24 somehow become the magical age to be married or die single?
8. "But men are not like that" I'm not being choosy when I talk about a decent guy. Sorry. If you think a decent guy is "not like that" why would I even torture myself by being married to a dirtbag?
9 "Hey! What guy is like that?" You know what, if you think that your assessment of an entire gender based on a sample size of your husband holds water, then I'm going to step away because I don't want to ruin your pretty little dream.
10. "What kind of wife do you see yourself as?": Oh. Great! Thanks. Just because I said I want to be in a relationship of equals? There is a limit to how much crap I can take. I'm not evil witch wife. I'm not a baby making machine. If that's what my husband is going to think of me... I don't want to complete this sentence.
11. Marriage is about compromise: Oh my god. A compromise is when you make a small adjustment. Not when you give up on everything you believe!
12. Don't you feel lonely? Be married, you'll have a person entirely to yourself. Yes. I do feel lonely. But the fact that you think that's a good enough reason to be in a relationship makes me sorry for you. I don't care. I will never put someone through my loneliness. Let alone deal with something like a marriage.
13. It's nice to be taken care of. I'm not 5. I don't need to be fed and burped. Seriously what are you high on? Why are you giving me the most terrible reasons to be married.
14. Are you emotionally unavailable? Yes Freud. In fact, I am. Should we spend an hour on the couch and talk about 'my issues'. Bullshit!
15. "What kind of guy are you looking for?" I've placed an order for the guy, the waiter said it'll take a few more minutes before he can serve him on a platter!
16 "I know the perfect guy for you" Sure from the tons of experience you have with me? I don't need a setter upper. You're uncle's son's third cousin's brother who you know by 'just his first name' isn't my perfect guy. I'll need more than 'he's a boy' as a criteria to marry someone.
17. You can't always be like this you know: H'aww! Are you saying I'm not Peter Pan? Of course I know I can't be like this and I'll need to grow up. But what you're telling me is I'll have to stop wearing certain clothes and stop behaving a certain way, start learning to make food, darling, that's not growing up, that's just conforming to gender roles!.
This one is really from the bottom of my heart to all the aunties who think they have "my best interests" in mind. Trust me, you don't know the half of it and it would do you good to stay out of it. If you have a suggestion let me know, don't simply go on and on about my unwillingness to be married.
That totally sucks that people say that to you. I never ask my single friends or even friends that are an unmarried couple when they are getting married. Totally none of my business. I also think it is really in bad taste to ask a couple when they are having children. How do I know that they have not been desperately and privately trying?? You need to have a quick and quirky comeback.
ReplyDeleteCheers, Michelle Kelly
http://anotherlookbookreviews.blogspot.ca/
Lol! I would love to see you come back to this list when you do get married! Great post btw! I enjoyed and have experienced everyone of them before I got married!
ReplyDeleteI am 24 too..I think I should paste this the door of my room :/
ReplyDeleteUgh, I wrote a whole tome but it's gone so, suffice it to say - You're quite right. Neither a crutch need or be, that's the ticket. :)
ReplyDeleteVisiting from AZ (and I'm way past your age, have had marriage, children, divorce and have been happily single for longer than all that. People still try to 'set me up' - irritating).
Haha...seriously people should be concerned about their lives and no when will we get married or when we'll have kids! I'm in the second phase and can totally relate to the tone of your post!
ReplyDeleteFOTFL! Do you reckon those questions were handed down over the centuries? Sounds so much like a tradition. I faced different questions when I married at age 19. Variation of "Did you have to?" Uh, no. Just wanted to. We celebrate 41 years this fall.
ReplyDeleteGood on you! Stick to your convictions and don't let them/society/whomever tell you what you "should" be doing! I'm in an unconventional relationship, I guess someone might call it a marriage, but we are not married, and we don't have kids. We take separate vacations, and we both do our own thing. Not everyone has to fit into a specific mold. You go, girl!
ReplyDeleteVery true! Very funny! You go!
ReplyDeleteCarol @ Battered Hope
LOL! I seriously thought of myself being an alien for sharing these views. Glad you wrote this post!
ReplyDelete#theawsomedish, visting from the a to z challenge.
LOL.. This one works vice versa too.. Even single men face the same problem... Endless questions http://saleshdipak.wordpress.com/
ReplyDeleteOh, wow! It can really be irritating, right? I didn't/don't get all those questions you listed, nevertheless, I could relate. I said "could" 'cause my status has changed. It doesn't make my opinions different, though.
ReplyDeleteOne day, I decided to write a "dissertation" on this (I say dissertation 'cause it was really long, he he heee). Not that I'm looking for traffic, but I'm sharing the link and you are welcome to read or not read: SPINSTERVILLE It's just an attachment. Sorry in advance for any wrong spelling or grammar.
lol. This list is awesome. :) Btw read the latest post. Congrats on getting married!
ReplyDelete